My Genes Don't Fit
by ForgeandGred7
Summary: Audrey is going on a trip and who has been left with babysitting duty? Percy, of course! But what neither parent realises is that while Mummy's away, the girls will play.
1. Chapter 1

"Audrey, you're joking! Please for the love of Merlin, tell me that you're joking!"

Audrey Weasley rolled her eyes for the tenth thousand time that morning. "I'm not joking, Percy," she said. "Good gracious, anyone would think I had just sent you to your doom."

"You might as well have," Percy mumbled. Unfortunately for Percy, Audrey -with her well trained ears- heard him and rounded on him at once.

"Now you listen to me, Percy Weasley and you listen good," she snapped, poking him in the chest. "They are your children-"

"They're evil-"

"They are not!" Audrey cried. "Just because they're not as stuck up as you!"

"Stuck up?" Percy scoffed. "Stuck up?!"

"Yes Percy," Audrey sighed.

"Well then," Percy huffed before looking hopeful. "I guess you wouldn't want someone as stuck up as me watching the girls. Oh well, bad luck-"

"Nice try," Audrey growled and Percy cursed under his breath. "It's not that hard," she said. "You like bossing people around so this is a good opportunity for you. You feed them dinner, you make them have a bath and then you put them to bed-"

"And tomorrow?" Percy questioned. "And the day after that?"

"Just spend time with them, Percy," Audrey said, rolling her eyes. "It wouldn't kill you."

"Don't be so sure," Percy mumbled, and in one last desperate attempt, cried; "I have a report due on Monday!"

"And I'll be back Sunday night," Audrey tutted. "Besides, I'm sure they'll leave you alone some of the time. Bloody hell, Perce, what do you want me to do? Tell my sister to put the baby back where it came from?"

"If you wouldn't mind," Percy said gratefully. "I am sure it wouldn't be too hard with how loose that woman-"

"Keep talking, Weasley," Audrey snarled, "and you'll be a single father."

"Audrey," Percy whined. "Why can't you take them with you?"

"Because it'd be too hard for Kennedy," Audrey said. "She only had the baby this morning and the kids would be too much for her."

"But not me?" Percy snorted.

"You're their father!" Audrey said, exasperated. She pulled out a muggle device which Percy knew to be a mobile phone and flipped it open. "I've got to go. Where are the girls?"

Percy shrugged. "Check for signs of an explosion and you'll know."

Audrey glared at him. "You will be nice to them, won't you?"

"Yes dear," Percy said automatically.

Audrey nodded and lead the way out of the bedroom, grabbing her suitcase on the way out. As the pair reached the front door, five-year-old Lucy skipped down the stairs with her hands covered in paint. Percy shot his wife a 'what did I tell you?' look and in return, got a warning glance.

"Mummy, come see!" Lucy said happily. "I did a painting!"

"And I'm sure it's a very beautiful one," Audrey said, bending down to Lucy's level, "but can Mummy see it when she gets back, darling?"

Lucy stared at her mother in surprise. "Where are you going?" she asked, her bottom lip trembling.

"I've going to visit your aunt, remember?" Audrey smiled. "I'll be back on Sunday."

Lucy looked downcast. "I wanted you to see my painting," she whispered.

"I will," Audrey assured her, "when I get back, but I'm sure Daddy would love to see it."

Her last words were more of a threat than a suggestion and Percy nodded vigorously as Lucy smiled again. "OK Mummy," she chirped.

Audrey kissed her on the cheek and eight-year-old Molly hopped off the sofa to say goodbye to her mother. Molly gave Audrey a hug and murmured something in her ear. Audrey nodded with a grin as she pulled away.

"Right," she said, standing up straight. "I'll be off."

"Bye Mummy!" the girls said sweetly.

"Evil," Percy mouthed.

"Be nice," Audrey said in an undertone. "Or I swear, Percy-"

"You better get going, Audrey," Percy said loudly. "You don't want to miss your plane."

Audrey frowned, kissed him swiftly and with a quick 'be good' to all three of them, left the house.

Percy shut the door after her and sighed, turning to face Molly and Lucy who both had angelic smiles plastered on their faces. Those smiles reminded him of a certain pair of twins.

Percy ran a hand through his hair. Maybe Audrey was right. Perhaps, he was overreacting a bit. After all...

How much trouble could two little girls be?

* * *

**Yes. Another Percy related story. What can I say? He's one of my favourites :) This story will have four parts to it and I hope you'll enjoy it. **


	2. Chapter 2

The answer to that question was an obvious one. Two little girls could be ALOT of trouble. Especially if their last names happened to be Weasley.

As soon as Audrey had left, Molly immediately returned to the sofa and clicked on the TV. Even after years of being married to a muggle, Percy still had no idea how that thing worked.

Lucy, at once, grabbed his hand and tugged lightly. "Come and see my painting, Daddy," she said. "It's dry now!"

Luckily for Percy, the paint _was _dry and so did not get smudged on his hands as Lucy lead him upstairs. Unluckily for Percy, the paint was dry and completely covered what Lucy had decided to use as an easel.

Her bedroom wall.

Percy bit back a yelp and attempted a smile at Lucy. "Isn't it pretty, Daddy?" she asked excitedly.

Realising that she was watching him expectantly, Percy swallowed noiselessly and forced a grin onto his face. "It's beautiful," he said.

"Look," Lucy said, pointing to a circle on the corner of the wall. "That's you and other there is..."

Percy nodded, barely listening while she prattled on. Audrey was going to murder him.

Brutally.

By the time Lucy was done, she looked up at her father with wide eyes and they instantly filled with tears when he took out his wand and pointed it at the wall. "What are you doing?" she whispered, her heart slowly breaking. "Don't you like it, Daddy?"

"No!" Percy said quickly. "Daddy loves it, sweetheart, it's great...But I was just thinking that we don't want to make Molly jealous, do we? I mean, if you have such a lovely wall and she has a plain old boring one, that wouldn't be fair, now, would it?"

"Oh," Lucy said sadly, "I guess not."

"What are you talking about, Dad?" came a voice from the doorway. "I absolutely love Lucy's wall! I'm not jealous. I think it's amazing. In fact, she can do mine if she likes."

Percy frowned at Molly as she entered the bedroom. "Really?" Lucy said hopefully.

"Of course," Molly replied. "Go crazy."

Lucy took these words to heart and ran out of the room cheering.

"Molly!" Percy groaned.

Molly smirked. "Happy to help," she said. Percy growled as she skipped merrily from the room.

* * *

Percy sat in his study, trying to finish his report when there was a knock on the door. "Come in," he called without looking up.

"Daddy," Lucy said, bouncing into the study. "I finished Molly's wall."

Percy sighed. "That's wonderful, Luce," he said. "Can I see it later? I'm a bit busy at the moment."

"OK." A second passed by. "Daddy, what's for dinner?"

"I don't know yet."

"How can't you know?" Lucy demanded. "You have to cook it. I'm hungry."

"I'll make it later," Percy said. "I'm just really busy at the moment, Lu. I don't have time to think about dinner."

"But I'm really hungry," Lucy pouted.

"Lucy, please," Percy said. "Five more minutes."

"OK." Another second. "So, what are we having?"

Percy had reached the end of his tether and waved a hand at her. "Ice-cream for all I care," he said sarcastically.

Lucy's eyes lit up and she burst from the room, screaming at the top of her lungs:

"MOLLY! DAD SAID WE CAN HAVE ICE-CREAM FOR DINNER!"

* * *

"-And ice-cream for dinner!" Lucy said happily into the phone. "Yep. Yep. Chocolate! Yep. OK, Mummy. I love you too. Bye."

She held out the receiver to Percy. "She wants to talk to you," Molly laughed. "You're in trouble."

Percy exhaled slowly, regretting ever letting Audrey show him to use a phone. He took it from Lucy. "H-Hello?"

"Ice-cream for dinner?" somehow Audrey's angry voice seemed even scarier hundreds of miles away.

"They had already got it out when I came downstairs!" Percy whined and Audrey snorted.

"Oh yes, and what's your excuse for Lucy painting on Molly's bedroom wall?" she demanded.

"Well, t-that's - I mean-" Percy stammered. "What else was I supposed to do?"

Audrey let out a breath. "Honestly Percy," she said, "can I trust you or not? Because if they're too much for you just tell me now and I'll come home."

"No," Percy said, shaking his head and forgetting that Audrey couldn't see him. "We're fine. How's your sister and the baby?"

"They're great," Audrey said and suddenly her tone changed. "The baby is so gorgeous-"

Percy heard the longing in her voice. "No," he said. "No, no, no, and in case you didn't hear me, no! Don't you think we have enough?"

Audrey sighed. "Look," she said. "I've got to run. We'll talk about this when I get home."

"What's there to talk about?" Percy responded.

"Percy-"

"Just enjoy yourself, Audrey," Percy said. "Nothing to worry about here. Nothing at all. It's fine. Everyone's fine. We miss you. We love you. Bye."

"I love you too," Audrey grumbled.

Percy hung up and pinched the bridge of his nose. "That woman will be the death of me," he muttered before spinning around and finding the room was empty.

"Just great."

* * *

"I don't want to!" Lucy screamed. "You can't make me!"

"Lucy Weasley," Percy started, "get in the bath this instant."

"No!" Lucy protested. "I want to go outside and do fifty star jumps!"

Percy stared at her blankly. "How much bloody ice-cream did you have?" he barked.

"Alot!" Lucy said eagerly. "But not as much as Molly!"

Almost as if on cue, Molly stumbled into the bathroom. "Dad," she groaned, clutching her stomach. "I don't feel so good. I think-"

She broke off, turned a bright green and bent over the toilet. "Ewwww!" Lucy burst out laughing while Molly threw up.

"Lucy, stop laughing at your sister and get in that bath right now!" Percy ordered, pulling Molly's hair back away from her face.

"I have an idea," Lucy said as Molly resurfaced. "Let's have ice-cream every night!"

"I have an even better idea," Percy said cheerfully. "How about you get in that bath right now or you'll never have ice-cream again."

"I like that idea," Molly said weakly and pushed the button.

Lucy glared at her. "Traitor," she said.

"Don't start," Percy said as Molly opened her mouth to retort. "Luce, get in the bath."

"NO!" Lucy shouted.

Percy scoffed. "Excuse me?"

"I don't want to," Lucy said softly. "And I won't."

"Lucy-"

**BANG!**

Both Percy and Molly jumped as the pipes burst, drenching all three of them. Lucy stared defiantly at her father. "I. Said. No," she hissed through gritted teeth, reminding him so much of Audrey.

"Her first sign of accidental magic," Molly murmured, "she got it really young."

Percy grunted.

He would have been a little more thrilled had he not been soaked from head to toe.


	3. Chapter 3

"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!"

Percy sighed and put down his quill before climbing to his feet and crossing the hall to Lucy's bedroom. "What?" he asked.

"I can't sleep," Lucy whispered "because Mummy didn't say goodnight to me."

Percy pinched the bridge of his nose. "Mummy isn't here," he said softly.

"Call her," Lucy said "because I'm not tired until Mummy says goodnight and she'll sing the goodnight song."

"Lucy-"

"Call Mummy!" Lucy ordered.

"Where do you get this attitude?" Percy rolled his eyes before going to get the wireless phone.

Lucy clapped loudly when he came back with it and waited patiently while he dialed the number.

"H-Hello?" a groggy voice came from other end of the line.

"Audrey," Percy began "listen-"

"Percy? What the hell is wrong with you?" Audrey demanded. "I'm exhausted and you're calling now-"

Percy looked over at Lucy as Audrey ranted and raved. 'That solves the mystery of Lucy's attitude,' he thought to himself. "Audrey," Percy said aloud "Lucy wants to say goodnight to you and she wants you to sing the goodnight song."

"Oh," Audrey said happily. "Well, why didn't you say so? Put her on."

Percy passed Lucy the phone and she began a lengthy conversation with her mother. When she was finished, she curled under the covers, whispered "goodnight Daddy" and promptly shut her eyes.

"She's asleep," Percy mumbled into the receiver.

"Great! Does that mean I can be too?" Audrey grumbled.

"No! Talk to Molly," Percy said "or she'll whinge at me for not letting her talk."

Audrey sighed. "Hurry up."

* * *

Percy crept into Molly's room. The eight-year-old was fast asleep, snoring lightly and he gently shook her.

She groaned. "D-Dad?" she yawned as her eyes flickered open. "Is the house on fire?"

"No."

"Then what the hell did you wake me up for?" Molly asked.

Percy exhaled and gave her the phone."It's your mother," he said.

Molly snatched it at once. "Hello Mum?" she said. "I was asleep! He woke you up too? Yeah, I know!...Yeah. OK, I will," she cupped her hand over the mouth piece and looked at Percy. "Mum says you're a bigheaded git."

"Thanks," Percy snorted.

Molly went back to the phone. "He knows. OK, OK. Bye. I love you." She hung up, gave him the phone and flopped back down onto her pillow. "Goodnight," she said grumpily.

Percy stood there for a moment. He really, really, REALLY had to finish his report if he wanted to keep his job...but then again...he really needed to sleep if he wanted to finish his report.

Percy rubbed his eyes as he staggered back towards the study, thinking longingly of his bed.

* * *

Percy opened his eyes only to be meet with Molly's dark brown ones. He gave a yelp and jumped back.

She laughed. "You've got ink on your cheek," she said.

Percy looked around and groaned. He had, once again, fallen asleep at his desk. "What do you want Molly?" he asked, shuffling through his papers.

"Lucy's made you breakfast," Molly grinned evilly "and she's conveniently forgotten that a blender needs a lid."

"Oh no," Percy said in horror.

"Oh yes," Molly smirked.

Percy could have cried when he walked into the kitchen a few minutes later. The walls and kitchen counters were covered in every food substance imaginable. Ice-cream, pumpkin juice, bacon...You name it and it had been shoved into the blender which had been turned on without a lid and that had resulted in the mess Percy was currently gazing upon.

Lucy shoved an apple into his hand almost like a peace offering. "Lucy," he growled. "What the hell have you done?"

Her bottom lip trembled and her bright blue eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry, Daddy," she whimpered as Molly strutted into the room, looking pleased. "I was only trying to be helpful because Mummy usually makes breakfast and she says that you don't eat."

Percy stared at her. He couldn't be angry with Lucy. She had really only being trying to help. "Luce," he said gently "I appreciate you trying to help...It was a very nice thing to do but next time, ask beforehand, OK?"

Lucy nodded. "OK," she whispered.

"Good girl," Percy said and kissed her head. "Now, we've got to get this messed cleaned up."

"You'll need your wand for that," Molly smirked.

The way she spoke made Percy's blood run cold, and he instantly checked his pockets only to find his wand wasn't there. "Molly...Where is my wand?"

Molly shrugged. "You tell me," she said brightly.

"Molly," Percy said. "You better give me my wand."

"I don't have it."

"Where. Is. It?" Percy said through gritted teeth.

"Not telling," Molly said and Lucy giggled.

"Molly...Tell me," Percy barked "now."

"Nah," Molly shook her head. "I think we can wait until Mum gets home...and see Lucy's lovely creations. It'll be fun, don't you think?"

Percy hissed as Molly winked at her sister.


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER: The characters belong to J.K Rowling**

The day seemed to go from bad to worse for poor old Percy.

He honestly wondered whether this was payback for all the times he had told on the twins.

Not only did Lucy's accidental magic keep occurring at the worst possible times, Molly refused to tell him where his wand was. She constantly insisted that she had no idea where it was and no amount of threats from her father scared her into telling him.

Percy wondered if his boss would believe that he had been unable to finish his report due to the fact that his daughters had driven him insane.

It was after the explosion noises coming from Lucy's room stopped that Percy decided it was safe to come out from under his desk and see just what the heck it was they were up to.

As he walked down the hallway, he almost wanted to cry. The house -which had been absolutely spotless the afternoon before- now looked like a war-zone.

The bathroom was flooded, the kitchen was covered in food, the living-room had pillows and feathers scattered all over it, the girls bedrooms were "redecorated" and even Percy's study was a mess with papers flung around the room.

In fact, the only area untouched was his and Audrey's bedroom.

Though as always, Percy had thought too soon.

He walked into his room only to find Molly and Lucy standing in front of the bed, both trying -and failing- to look completely innocent.

"What did you do?" he asked tiredly.

They both began talking at once.

"It was Molly's idea-"

"It was not! Dad, it was completely Lucy-"

"She made me do it!"

"I didn't! Honest!"

"She told me that she'd tape me to the ceiling if I didn't agree-"

"Now really, does that sound like something I'd say?"

"Enough!" Percy barked and both girls jumped before falling into silence. "Step away from the bed."

Molly sighed, threw a furtive glance at Lucy and both of them moved away at once.

Percy let out a groan. The entire frame of the bed was shattered. The mattress lay on top of the splintered heap.

"What-?" Percy said in shock. "How-? What?"

"Well," Molly began "we were jumping on the bed which was totally Lucy's idea, by the way-"

"It was not!"

"Anyhoo," Molly went on. "That bed is not as strong as we thought. I mean, what the hell have you and Mum being doing on that thing?"

"Molly! That is entirely inappropriate!" Percy said in horror. "And where does an eight-year-old hear those things anyway?"

"Uncle George, Uncle Ron and Uncle Charlie," Molly shrugged, holding up her hands in surrender. "Hey, I'm not complaining. Lucy and I had to come from somewhere..but really, you might want to replace that bed."

"I could fix it if you would give me my wand," Percy grumbled as Lucy stared at him with curious eyes.

"Where did Molly and me come from?" she asked.

"You'll never need to know," Percy told her "because you're never having kids or getting married."

"Why not?" Lucy asked as Molly laughed.

"Because any boy outside of family is not to be trusted, got it?" Percy said.

"Yes Daddy," Lucy replied and he ruffled her hair.

"You can't tell her that!" Molly giggled.

"Can, will and have," Percy said. "Same goes for you, Missy."

Molly rolled her eyes but was seemingly relieved not to have gotten in trouble about the bed.

At that moment the phone rang and Lucy darted out of the room. She called upstairs moments later.

"Daddy! It's Mummy! She wants to talk to you!"

Percy sighed. "Not one word about that bed," Molly said sternly.

"Yes Mum," Percy snorted before heading down into the kitchen.

He took the phone from Lucy. "I'm going to ask Molly if she wants to de-gnome the garden!" the little girl said excitedly and was gone.

"Hello?"

"By the sounds of it, you're all still alive," Audrey's reply came and Percy could almost hear the smile in her voice.

"Course we are," Percy said, "somehow."

Audrey laughed. "I know it's only been one night," she started.

"My goodness, really?" Percy said. "It feels like much longer than that."

"It's nice to know I'm needed around there," Audrey said.

"You have no idea," Percy mumbled.

"Anyway," Audrey said "listen, I know it's only been one night.. But I've really missed you guys.. And being with the baby just makes me want my babies. So, I was thinking of coming home a little bit earlier than expected."

Percy's mouth went dry. "H-How early?" he croaked.

"Well," Audrey said "I'm at the airport now. Early enough?"

Percy wondered what was going to be written on his headstone.

For surely, Audrey was going to murder him.

"Percy?"

It had been a few minutes that Percy had stood, silent and frozen in fear. "S-Sounds great, Aud," he managed to get out.

"Fantastic," Audrey said. "See you tonight."

Percy hung up the phone and looked outside. He saw Molly and Lucy had completely ripped up Audrey's flower beds, and there were large holes and dirt piles all over the yard.

'Well,' a voice said in Percy's head. 'You're going to die anyway. If you can't beat them, join them.'

Percy nodded slowly and pulled open the window. "OI!" he shouted and the girls looked over at him with curiosity.

"Yeah Dad?" Molly asked, as if she and her sister weren't totally covered in soil and mud.

"Who wants to put glue all over the bannister?"

* * *

It was night when Audrey finally got home. She thanked the taxi driver and got out of the car.

She walked down the path and fished her key out of her handbag before putting it in the lock. The house was dark and quiet.

A little too quiet.

It made Audrey slightly wary of what she was about to see, and as she pushed open the front door and flicked on the light, she knew she had been correct to worry.

No.

Scratch that.

It was those.. THOSE THREE.. That would have to worry.

"PERCY!" Audrey screamed. "MOLLY! LUCY! WHERE THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU?!"

No reply.

Wise of them.

Audrey walked further into the house.

"Oh my god," she gasped as she went into the kitchen. Through the window, she could make out mounds of dirt, and what the hell was on the wall?

Oh.. They were dead.

And wizards had thought Voldemort was scary.

"When I find you-" Audrey growled as she passed the living-room.

She looked at the bannister while she climbed the stairs. What was on it?

"I'm going to kill him," Audrey muttered.

Audrey's rage increased with every room she looked in - but secretly, so did her panic. She couldn't see or hear any sign of another person.

It was too eerie.

Although, it didn't really matter if something had happened to them.. Because Audrey planned on injuring them anyway.

There was only one room left to check and if that was empty, well, then maybe, just maybe, she'd think about getting some help to find them.

If she wanted them back.

She had only been gone for one night! How much trouble could they get into?

A lot, apparently.

Audrey opened the door to her and Percy's bedroom a crack. The light from the hallway shone into the room, and she wasn't entirely surprised to find that room was a mess too.

She was slightly surprised, however, to see that there were three figures on the bed.

Percy lay sprawled across the double mattress with his arms extended out. Molly cuddled up beside him, her face nuzzled into his side and her left arm stretched across his stomach.

Lucy, surprisingly enough, was almost mirroring Molly except that her arm wasn't extended.

The three of them were asleep, breathing lightly as their chests would rise and then fall together in perfect timing.

Audrey felt her temper slipping away, because it was quite possibly, the most beautiful thing she'd ever witnessed.

She stepped inside the room and gently kissed both Molly and Lucy's foreheads before pulling the blanket carefully up over them and Percy.

Closing the door softly behind her, Audrey smiled to herself and headed downstairs to the filthy kitchen to make a cup of tea.

After all, she deserved a break and it was nice to get a little peace and quiet.

Besides, Audrey decided as she gripped the sticky bannister, there would be plenty of time to kill the three of them tomorrow.

* * *

**That's it, guys :) thanks for following and reviewing this story. Really means a lot. **


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